For protection, my father bought me a German Shepherd. When he found out I was Jewish, he bit me. He was a wonderful watchdog. One evening while I was being held up, he watched.

Everybody who has a dog, calls it either Rover, or Boy. I called mine SEX. Now SEX is a very embarrasing name. One day I took SEX for a walk and he ran away from me, I spent hours looking for the dog. A cop came over to me and said, "What are you doing in this alley ay 4:00am in the morning?".. I said, "I am looking for SEX". My case comes up thursday.

One day I went to City Hall to get a dog license, and told the clerk, "I would like to have a license for SEX. He said "Me Too.".. Then I said "But its for a dog." ..He said he didnt care how she looked. Then I said "You dont understand, had SEX since I was 2 yrs old. He said "You must have been a strong baby".

I told him that when my mife and I seperated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had SEX before I was married." He said "Me too.".. Then I told him after I was married, SEX left me. He said, "Me Too.".. Then I told him I had SEX on TV before. He said "Show-off"...I told him it was a contest, and he said I should have sold tickets. I also told the judge about the time my wife and I were on our honeymoon and we took the dog, SEX. When I checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and I, and a special room for SEX. The clerk said every room in the motel was for sex. Then I said, "You don't understand, SEX keeps me awake at night." The clerk said "Me too."

I GIVE UP DAMNIT!!!