Aquarius - (Jan 21 - Feb 19) You are a very progressive person. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces - (Feb 20 - Mar 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think that you are being followed by the FBI or the CIA. You have a minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your powers. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses alot.

Aries - (Mar 21 - Apr 19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered and impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

Taurus - (Apr 20 - May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a damn Communist.

Gemini - (May 21 - June 20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer - (June 20 - July 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and never worth a shit.

Leo - (July 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are a pussy. Most Leos are bullion. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors alot.

Virgo - (Aug 23 - Sept 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra - (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and montetary gain are execellent because most Libra women are whores. All Libras usually get venereal diease.

Scorpio - (Oct 23 - Nov 21) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect Son-of-a-Bitch. Most Scorpions are murdered.

Saggitarius - (Nov 22 - Dec 21) You are the optimistic and enthusuastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Saggitarians are drunks & potheads. People laugh at you because you are always getting fucked.

Capricorn - (Dec 22 - Jan 20) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should lock yourself in a closet.